Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just gargled with NyQuil
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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