I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
