Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A bitchslap is in order.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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