If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
