dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
