I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
