she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
