By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
