so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
