we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
