I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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