I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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