capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
