I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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