come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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