Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
