My liver just broke up with me...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
