Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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