fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
