dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
