Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
