Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

HIV tests are more positive than that guy

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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(708): View more from Illinois

you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box

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(402): View more from Nebraska

yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.

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(206): View more from Washington

So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.

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