Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
