your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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