it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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