Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
