Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
