Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
