is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
