You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
