I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
