when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
