dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
