My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
