did you get engaged???
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
