You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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