you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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