i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
