Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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