why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize