dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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