if i died would you start the facebook group?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
