I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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