He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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