I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
