i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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