I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
