I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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