Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she smelled like a LAN party
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
