TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
