Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And then he peed in my hair
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