The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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